Kids ask a lot of questions, all day long… “Where are we going?” “What does this do?” “Why?…Why?…Why?” And most of the time I pretty much have an answer for just about everything. Except last night. Last night was a little different and a question I was definitely not ready for.
We were sitting in the living room and Callan was playing with her baby and she was telling me her baby was sad because she wanted her daddy. Then she looked at me and asked, “Where’s your daddy Mommy?”
I’m not sure if I’ve ever really talked about my dad on any kind of social media or even mentioned him on here, but he’s hasn’t been apart of my life for years, in fact I’m not even sure the last time I’ve talked to him come to think of it. So I haven’t really seen the point to bring him up, I’ve never even told Callan about him and she’s never met him. It wasn’t until she asked where he was that it had even crossed my mind that one day she might be curious about who her grandpa was.
To be totally honest, I’m not really sure who he is. It’s been so long since we’ve had any kind of relationship that I’m not sure what he likes or even what he does. I don’t even know what he looks like now! Nonetheless, I was stumped. I didn’t know what to say so I panicked and said he was sleeping…
After those words came out of my mouth all I could think of was, ‘Oh god that’s the best I could think of??’ Callan is probably going to ask me again when it isn’t night time, then what am I going to say!?’ Shit.
I want to have an open and honest relationship with my daughter because I want her to be open and honest with me. Plus, I feel like if you treat and talk to them like a baby and just coddle them, it isn’t doing them any favors. Obviously, I don’t need to tell her all the little details of what happened between me and my dad but I’m really struggling on how I should navigate this.
& one of the main reasons why I want me and Dominick to have a good friendship is because I don’t want Callan to have the same relationship me and my dad have. My parents didn’t along after their divorce and it didn’t help the transition, eventually it felt as though we needed to choose a side and my mom won hands down. Just for the record, my mom is a freaking saint of a women and is twice the parent my dad ever could have been, but it did suck not having him there for all those big moments in life. For example, he wasn’t there when I graduated high school, to celebrate my birthdays or when I had Callan, and isn’t going to be there to walk me down the aisle at my wedding. I don’t want that for Callan. That’s why it is so important to maintain a healthy co-parent/friend relationship with her dad so they keep that close father/daughter relationship.
I don’t know, I’m honestly at a loss for words about it really, struggling to even put my thought into words writing this but just can’t seem to get it off my mind. Kids really do ask a lot of questions and sometimes it’s the really hard ones you don’t want to answer…